托福作文一篇,求修改建议.
托福作文一篇,求修改建议.
Do you agree or disagree the following statement?
Parents are the best teachers.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answers.
My answer is as following,
I absolutely agree with this statement. A person never stops learning new skills during his/her entire life but the most important thing that one needs to be taught is how to conduct his/herself which is difficult to be changed after one grows up. And during the time that a person is still a kid, parents are definitely the best teachers in his/her life.
Although a person learns from many people who is around him/her when s/he is young, the people s/he spend most time with are his/her parents. Parents have most chances to teach him/her. While other people were being nice or harsh on him/her for different reasons and purposes, his/her parents who deeply care about him/her compliment or punish him/her only in his/her own best interest. Parents have best motivation and they make every effort to try to do the teaching job well.
Parents are the people in the world which a kid trusts most. A little kid listens to his/her parents most. I can still recall that I rejected my first birthday card in my life because my mom had told me not to take advantage of people which had been interpreted by me to not to ask or accept free things from others. Even after s/he grows up to a troublesome teenager and becomes rebellious, a part of his/her heart still values his/her parents' opinion especially when s/he faces serious problems or try to make important decisions.
A kid would emulate how his/her parents behave. When s/he is young, s/he would mimic their parents' ways of walking,speaking and dressing. After s/he grows up, there is a big chance that s/he would try to handle things as s/he saw how his/her parents did when s/he was young. I have a uncle who was a single dad and didn't want to behave himself and his daughter ended up to talk rudely and try to solve problems by violence.
For all the reasons I listed above, I have enough belief in this theory that parents are the best teachers for their kids.
问答/376℃/2024-04-30 11:04:36
优质解答：
Hi,我觉得你总体写的很棒啦,但是有几个点还是要注意一下
1.尽量减少generalization,就是不要总是从大的地方说.这一点不光是托福,各种英语写作都要注意这个.要多举例,就算要概论每段最多开头结尾有.而且你这个问题又引起了下一个问题.
2.要活用代词,通篇him/her想必自己也觉得很怪吧,但是你太多的一概而论搞的最后也没什么可换的,要注意.
3.用从句很好,但是不要过多使用.你有的地方从句太多,而且看出你用的不大熟练,反正你第一段第二句我看不懂.从句和简单句式结合使用,文章会更整洁.
4.要多用关联词,比如说,to begin with,for example ,however,furthermore,eventually等等,把你的文章串连起来.
5.就和咱语文老师讲的一样,结尾最好要升华一下.
6.有一些语法问题,要加强锻炼.
7.要注意长度,毕竟托福写作是在30分完成的,论点拉的太长太开反到对自己不利.
PS,小建议,很喜欢你关于父母影响孩子的论点,你在说这类东西的时候,不妨把心理学鼻祖弗洛伊德搬出来,相信我他们贼吃这一套.
说到底我就是个学生,几个月前考了托福写作有拿28分(知道比不了很多猛女莫骂),以上只是经验之谈.看我打了这么久的份上选我再加点分吧XD.